The Ways We Communicate by Betsy Haddad
My beloved father, Ed Haddad, considered Nancy a dear friend. He and Mom met Nancy and Dennis through a local support group. They were on a path that no one wants to take: the shared journey of Alzheimer’s.
Dad grieved his diagnosis even as he met it head-on. He remained convinced that people with Alzheimer’s and dementia still have something to say and should be heard. He encouraged his fellow sufferers to keep their spirits up, to socialize and enjoy as much of life as possible. Dad and Mom joined Nancy and Dennis and other friends on a dementia-friendly cruise and loved it. A natural performer and a talented musician, Dad brought life and light to every gathering. He had been a child prodigy on the piano and could still play beautifully after words began to fail him. He was blessed with a rich baritone voice that soared on stage or in church. He was also a scientist, an engineer by trade. He did all he could to advance the research, participating in a clinical trial for one of the only treatments we currently have for Alzheimer’s. Dad even started to write a book about his experience with Alzheimer’s. He wanted to show that it was still possible to have quality of life and to communicate. I inherited the short manuscript he had worked on with a friend. He peppered his observations with practical and humorous advice, such as: “pizza is great for breakfast!”
Dad hoped to change the way people with Alzheimer’s are treated. He was amazed at how quickly some people, even doctors, began to disregard him or talk to Mom as if he wasn’t in the room once they learned of his condition. Dad continued to visit Nancy as long as he could. He would entertain in the music room, to the delight of many.
Sometimes just being there, just being present with someone who may not speak, is the way we communicate. One of the best books I have read on the subject is The Problem of Alzheimer’s, by Dr. Jason Karlawish. The last line of the book is this short sentence: “In solitude, company.” It is the last, maybe the best, maybe the only, way we can communicate after words are gone.
Keep reading books, because reading is a precious human ability and a way to learn much more than we could by observation alone. Sharing books because that is a way to advance learning and awareness. Write, if you are moved to do so. We must be the future of care that we want to see. As we say in the Alzheimer’s Association, your voice matters.
Nana’s Books Foundation is grateful for Betsy sharing this loving tribute about her Dad and supports her dedicated compassion and advocacy to help others. Your donation will help “advance learning and awareness” through books.